So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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