I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
