Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Screwed.edu
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
