There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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