Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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