Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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