every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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