If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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