Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
