I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
