I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
