ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
