I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
