Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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