im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize