My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
