bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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