just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
