Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
