He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
