we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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