Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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