whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
