I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
