My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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