no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
