Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
