Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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