kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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