Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize