She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
