She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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