what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
