You're completely useless in the revolution.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
