I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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