literally had 100 drinks last night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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