I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
