It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
