70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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