last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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