i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
