So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
