i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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