You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
