theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
