were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
