I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
