Where did you get a picture of my penis
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
