My friends, they love my intelligence
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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