:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
