No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
