i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
