It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
