This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
