Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
