no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
