I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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