Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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