I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
