Define "chronic" masturbator.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
