Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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