you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
