he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
