It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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