I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
