walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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