Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
