I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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