Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
