I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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