I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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